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THE BURIAL OF THE DEAD

Wed, 16th April 2014, 15:21

April is the cruellest month, breeding
Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire, stirring
Dull roots with spring rain.
T.S. Eliot

I have no idea why the editor placed that poem at the begining of this post. Possibly a personal favorite, or filler as this month the deadpool is a bit shorter than usual… Does that mean that spring is good for hosting providers, or are a few clinging to life for a torrent of closings in late April? Regardless, there’s still plenty of corpses for the pool, so let’s see who choked out their last in the ides of March.

HostingNitro

You have to love it when a hosting provider shuts down, but for some reason their domain stays up and their ordering page is still active. Probably don’t want to give out your billing info as the ship is sinking. Just a heads up.

 

HostWeby

Odd story here. HostWeby was a Romanian hosting provider incorporated by OnlineSlice, and has since led its customers to a redirect to that company. It’s not that HostWeby or OnlineSlice is dead, per se, just that they’re shuttering their standalone hosting service- now it’s a bonus for the customers of their other products. Kind of like a free lunch deal?

Greenhoster

Not much to say here. Greenhoster was a UK hosting provider that prided itself on its efficient power consumption- entirely wind energy powered. Supposedly. We can only hope the website’s decay won’t cause any greenhouse gases.

Eshost

“Our project aims to provide free hosting without advertising for Spanish-speaking community and above all, provide quality support for it.”
Maybe you guys should’ve stuck with some ads, huh? I’m not sure how free hosting sans advertisement even works. Was it a charity host?

24kHost

Man, we warned these guys over and over again: 24.4k modems are too oldschool for the current generation of cloud hosting. If only these guys had moved up to something newer, like 56k. They might still be in business.

EzyHost

Not to be confused with Eazy Host, the official hosting provider of the N.W.A., the D.O.C. and Bone Thugs-n-Harmony. Also passing away this month, it’s survived for now by its close affiliates BiggieHost and Wu-Tang Corporate Solutions.

Hostclipse

In ancient times, (circa 1999) Hostclipses were dark portents of the oncoming dot-com bubble. Now a Hostclipse is only a minor annoyance, especially when compared to the prophesied Hostpocalypse, when Amazon and Google will collapse in gouts of flame. Everyone will be forced to sign up for iPowerWeb, and the only search engine that works will be AskJeeves. And you’ll have to type out the whole question, every time. Question mark included. Chilling!

IgenHost

IgenHost had a nice HostJury landing page. Unlike the typical ‘we strive to be the ultimate host with the best customer service!’ cookie cutter copy, Igen’s self-description was pretty loaded down with the technical aspects of their business. That’s a nice thing to see. Pity they’re gone.

Dragonara.net

Dragonara: A host with a name like a World of Warcraft server, and an about blurb with such adorable syntax we challenge you to read it without a Swiss accent in your head.
Dragonara center is located in the heart of Switzerland, near to Geneva CERN where actually the Internet has been invented.
Yes! Near to Geneva CERN, where Internet having been invented. Amazed that their proximity to the LHC didn’t bring in more business.

GigHoste

Here’s our question, was GigHost taken, or were the owners trying to evoke the rustic webhosts of the 18th century? Doesn’t matter now!

AgileHosting

Clearly they weren't agile enough. Next!

CAWebHost

Here’s what you see when you view the front page of this website.
1. CAWebHost: We’ve got you covered!
2. CLOSED!
3. Thanks to everyone for your business!
So many exclamation marks! So much enthusiasm! And it’s gone. Sidenote: We get that it’s California WebHost, but dammit it we don’t want to believe that it’s supposed to be CAW Web Hosting, the first hosting provider by, for and of birds.

HostDedi

Hey! HostDedi.co.uk is available, and HostDedi.com is on a GoDaddy parking page! All you unrepentant scalpers enterprising young professionals should hop in and make it yours! You could be the next unsuccessful webhost! Yes, you!

It goes without saying.. choose your next webhost wisely! 

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